oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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