Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
