There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
