I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
