you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
