Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
