do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
