i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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