Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
