once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
