I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
