i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
