How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
