But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
