I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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