My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
