There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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