So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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