God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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