I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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