You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
