I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
