guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
