yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
