Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
