i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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