I wish I could punch you in the face.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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