The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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