My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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