I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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