They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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