I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
