i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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