I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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