Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
