I need help removing her.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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