well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
