Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
