maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
