I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
