I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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