I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
