he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
