What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
