Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
