I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
