last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
