trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
