this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he thought i was a dude.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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