"it" just moved
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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