Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
