she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
