I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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